MARA Assessment Centre (MAC) 2022 Pegawai Perkhidmatan Pendidikan DG41

 Salam. Hi! Thought of sharing my experience regarding MAC. Here goes:

For this year candidates applied end of April, then online test dapat awal Jun. After 2 weeks online test, result for MAC came out. I dapat email tu a week before MAC. Dapat kat KKTM Lenggong, Perak. Dapat je email terus message husband and he replied "GO!" pastu I cakap kat Perak tauu tapi dia okay je. Esok terus suruh cari hotel / homestay. Wehh almost penuh dah ye. So once dapat email tu cepat-cepat la booking accomodation haha. Bermulalah episod preparation. Prepare documents semua, mendukung anak pergi sekolah nak buat pengesahan docs, anak teman training utk bleep test haha terpusing pusing dia ikut mommy lari, print gambar passport, shopping outfit hahah shopping ni my fav part. Sebab memang my formal shoes pun rabak terus dah, went to JPO. Dapat deals kat Rubi beli flat shoes jelah RM15 hahahaha. Beg pulak ingatkan nak beli tote beg tapi takde yang okay so ended up with Typo laptop bag, also a deal got it for RM30 je from RM129 😆 Okay la kan overall under RM50 je #cheapskate LOL 

Invitation MAC through email

Pergi sekolah cop dokumen. Dia ni paling happy acah macam students jugak kemain laju jalan haha

Ahad 19 Jun 22

Today memang plan nak spend whole day prepare Bahan Bantu Mengajar (BBM) tapi tula hanya mampu merancang kan haha. Dah 5 pm baru buka laptop buat kerja nya. Tapi kejap je sampai 6pm then gi turun bawah exercise sikit. Also today is Father's Day so kena la spend quality time aaa gitchuuu

 Training mode eceyy

Sudah nya malam baru betul-betul fokus buat kerja. BBM start buat bila anak dah tido around 11pm. Stay up engkoooo sampai 3 am. Execution sekejap je tapi nak perah otak cari idea tu yang lama. Pastu tersalah gunting kertas purple tu besar sangat tak muat nak letak atas manila card so kena la rework. Nasib la assistant saya tak merungut hahaha assistant is the husband. The part yang leceh sikit coz I lekatkan semua straw cleaner tu guna hot glue gun. So kena slow slow so tak comot. But ended up memang I loveeee sangat my flow diagram ni hehe. Gotta thanks my husband sebab ni idea dia guna penyepit baju hahah. 

Manual animation guna sepit baju haha idea by my husb. Buat benda alah ni la yang sampai stay up 3am haha

Selasa 21 Jun 22 

I'm from JB. So gerak dari JB Monday night, stay kat my mom house @ Semenyih dulu. Sampai 1.30am.  The reason being sebab nak ambil barang kat Semenyih dulu, ada sijil yang tertinggal kat sini and amik baju kurung hahaha. Sebabnya baju kurung yang sopan ada sini, current baju kurung kat JB mostly baju kurung Kedah which is rasanya tak formal kan? Sebab baju formal tak boleh nampak susuk badan. Untuk iv kena la pakai baju paling ayu paling sopan semua kan. Oh ya also amik nametag kat sini. Ha nametag kalau ada lagi bagus and memang digalakkan pun. Ada calon yang siap tempah nametag kot sempena untuk iv ni. Effort begini kita mahukan. So siang Selasa ni just rest sikit la, kebetulan husband pun ada training kat Bangi. So I nap dulu nanti malam nak gerak Lenggong pula. Husband habis training 5pm tapi sampai rumah 7pm++ jugak. Lepastu kirim dia print slides and lesson plan lahhhh terlupa! Kalut kejap. Then tumpang print rumah jiran huhu nasib baikkk. Then siap-siap dinner dulu apa semua, bertolak ke Lenggong 9.30pm macam tu.

Rabu 22 Jun 22

Exterior homestay

Interior cabin

Sampai homestay 2.30am bebbb haha waze cakap 3h 30 mins je tapi apooo sampai 5jam drag dia. Stay kat Captain Rosli Homestay. Okay la selesa and all tapi dia tepi jalan raya tau! Banyak lori lalu pulak tu, struggle gila nak tidur. Selang beberapa minit macam tu asyik lori lalu je, kita pun bila dah penat sangat jadi susah nak tidur kan. Ended up tidur dalam 3.20am macam tu :') 5.22 am dah terjaga! Set alarm pukul 5.30am. Hahaha dia punya berdebar sampai tak lena tidur lol. Okay lah siap-siap terus semua. Sempat la jogging sikit kat area homestay tu saja warm up. 6.50am gerak ke KKTM. 15 mins je dari homestay. Kabus tebal wuuuuuhuuu sejukk.  

Kabus tebal ft bukit-bukau

 Sampai KKTM 7.10am . Settle pendaftaran, pegi cafe jap sebab sajaaa taknak masuk dewan awal-awal haha tapi tak lalu pun nak makan. Just teman husband makan je. Oh masa pendaftaran tadi kelakar sebab tanya urusetia tu boleh bawak baju kurung terus ke ada tempat gantung tak? Then dia cakap, "parents awak tak tunggu eh? Boleh je nak bawak tu ada tempat gantung." awwwww nape ingat kite datang dengan parents heheheh nampak lah saya ni muda kan 😝

Angkut dengan tak mandi nya hantar mommy haha

Sesi Taklimat 8.00am - 9.00am 

Semua calon perlu ada dalam dewan by 8am. So urusetia pun greetings dulu lah, tahniah and welcome to KKTM. FYI, tahun ni jumlah permohonan seluruh Malaysia 65 000, yang buat online test tu 16 000 dan terpilih untuk iv 1 800. Fuhhh ramai jugak kan. So tahniah dapat pergi ke MAC ni anda insan terpilih hihi. Next urusetia akan brief untuk susun docs and all. Documents ni perhatikan betul-betul tau dekat checklist docs tu. Ada berapa salinan, ada yang kena cetak dan lengkapkan. So yang lengkapkan tu isi semua awal-awal, tulis date siap-siap, nanti lepas daftar dapat nombor ID. Nombor ID pun tulis jugak kat semua borang. Sorry gambar borang takde amik gambar pulak.

Bleep test 9.00am - 10.00am 

Dah settle susun borang tu, next semua beg dan barang letak tepi. Calon-calon kena beratur panjang kat dewan ni, untuk bleep test. Jarak bleep test 20 meter, jadi calon kena lari ulang-alik. Haritu paling tinggi sampai level 6 je sebab ramai so taknak drag lama sangat masa. I got level 3.2 so kira okay dah tu untuk perempuan. Urusetia bagitahu bleep test takde lulus/gagal cuma dia ada markah rendah, baik, tinggi macam tu la. My preparation was memang training la hari-hari cuz badan tgh gemm skrg ni. First day training level 1 pun dah semput dah huhu. So okay la within a week dapat level 3 dah. So kalau you memang dah fit takyah risau la part ni hahaha. Oh pastu for pregnant women and yang baru lepas bersalin pun tak payah lari. So yang tak perlu lari ni masa pendaftaran boleh je terus berpakaian formal. Nanti masa bleep test duk tepi jadi cheers leaders je hehehe 

Bleep test 20m

 Microteaching (mt) 10.00am - 1.00pm 

Lepas dah habis bleep test tu boleh tukar baju formal terus. Masa diberikan 10 mins tapi rasanya I took more than that hahaha. Semua calon akan dibawa ke dewan seterusnya. Dia macam lecture hall. So kat sini jadi 'holding room'. Duduk lah tunggu giliran sementara no ID dipanggil sama ada pergi microteaching or interview dulu. Haaa kat sini lah yang akan make new friends jugak, yelah dah lelama boring juga menunggu so kita borak-borak haha. Sharing tips pun ye juga. Ada yang dah pergi dulu mt/iv so tanya dorang macam mana flow and all. My no ID 49 masa tu dapat mt pukul 12pm. 

Urusetia akan panggil in a group of 10, then naik ke tingkat atas untuk mt. So depan bilik mt tu tunggu lah lagi giliran. Sementara tunggu ni boleh prepare borang evaluation, lesson plans, slides yang dah print and BBM semua. Dalam bilik mt tu disediakan satu meja depan kita macam meja cikgu la kan. So boleh la nak letak nota or kertas sbg rujukan kita. Lagi satu, I set my own timer. Before masuk bilik mt siap2 set stopwatch kat hp. So masuk bilik mt untuk set up tu terus on phone, bila dah ready nak start terus tekan timer. Budak debate mesti boleh relate hahaha. Tujuan dia so kita tahu berapa minit dah kita bercakap, boleh la nak lajukan ke nak kena buat konklusi dah ke. Compare kalau orang yang kirakan masa untuk kita macam terkapai-kapai nanti. 

Alhamdulillah masa untuk my mt 10mins 38 saat gitu kot. Oh ye masa mt tu no interaction dengan panel langsung tau. So contoh kita ada bertanya soalan atau panggil student masa mt tu kena berlakon watak sbg student la pulak hahhaha dah nama pun mock teaching kan students pun khayalan je 😂 bila dah habis mt, panel minta my BBM nak tengok dekat-dekat. Then panel tanya boleh simpan tak HAHAHA mesti lah boleh! It's my pleasure. Lagi pun kalau bawak balik bukan guna lagi pun and besar benda nya leceh nak bawak balik hehe. Tu macam plus point for me la sebab panel suka my BBM hihi. Panel ada juga tanya soalan, 1. kenapa pilih nak jadi cikgu biologi? 2. Kenapa pilih jadi cikgu biologi MRSM? haaa terkejut juga sebab daripada yang sharing selalu panel tanya pasal topic kita present tu. So yeahh ready jela. 

Holding room or lebih tepat 'holding hall' hehehe

Interview (iv) 2.00 - 5.00pm

Lunch break 1-2pm. Then 2pm masuk dewan semua sambung la mana part yang belum settle. Masa menunggu sesi petang ni ya Allah rengsa nyaaa rasa, semua orang pun dah restless dah jadi. I pun dah start berdenyut kepala yela tidur pukul 3 pagi kan. Pastu start 3.30pm macam tu ada calon dah habis and dah boleh balik omgg jealous ya hahahahah I tak sabar nak habis nak tidur!! Ended up my turn panggil pukul 3.40pm macam tu untuk iv. So in a group of 5 kami dibawa ke bangunan depan untuk iv. Sampai situ, kena tunggu giliran dulu luar bilik iv tu. So sementara tunggu sempat la berbincang dengan group expected questions and answer semua hehehe. My group ada calon subject Biology and counselling. Best jugak sebab dapat bincang topic selain daripada bio haahhaha. 4pm baru masuk bilik iv and habis 4.57pm hahaha. Barai gakk aaa.

Few minutes before masuk bilik iv masa ni gigil dah hahahah

Soalan yang ditanya masa sesi my iv tu:

1. online learning vs physical learning? Or hybrid learning?

2. selain academic, apa pencapaian tertinggi masa sekolah/uni?

3. isu tentang pendidikan, huraikan. Setuju / tak dengan isu tu?

4. pencapaian dalam 5 tahun akan datang?

5. kenapa nak jadi cikgu MRSM ?

Masa iv ni first 2 questions je in English lepastu panel dah borak in bm hahaha. I suka towards the end of discussion tu sebab my answer kena jadi rebuttal utk calon counselling 😂😂 sebab nya I mention pasal mental health. Isu pendidikan tu, my answer was "saya tak bersetuju rotan sebagai hukuman sebab boleh mentally traumatised and it will affect their adulthood later on". Then I suggest la pendekatan yang lebih sesuai kan. Dah sudahhhh panel suruh calon counselling validate kan hahahha. Sorry bro jadi double iv for you 😂

Group iv. Sporting dorang! Masa tggu turn tu sempat lagi bincang2 possible questions hehe

So masa kat KKTM ni settle 3 komponen jelah. Ujian kecergasan, microteaching and interview. Ujian psikometrik akan buat secara online dan selepas MAC calon Sabah Sarawak. Which for this year Sabah Sarawak around last week of July and first week of August. So nanti tengok la kalau rajin update utk ujian psikometrik tu I edit lagi haha. Harap nya my sharing ni membantu sedikit sebanyak kepada calon yang akan menghadapi MAC. If need further explaination boleh email me : ummiaqilah12@gmail.com. 

My biggest supporters. My man and my boy <3 

Appreciation note to my husb: I couldn't do it without both of you <3 yang tolong drive jejauh, bayarkan mcm2 hehe, also terpaksa kena sidai sementara mommy tunggu iv tu. Sebab homestay kena checkout pukul 12pm sharp, minta late checkout pun tak bagi so melepak la merata-rata dua beranak ni. Bayang la panas kot time lepas lunch nak sampai ke petang 5pm tu. Sabar sangat mereka ni menunggu mommy yang juga menunggu turn halahhh thank you so much boys 💓

Lepak tepi Tasik Raban time tengahari rembang ya Allah real life merah-merah dah pipi

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Update : 20/7/22

Ujian psikometrik diberi masa utk buat dari Selasa 19 Julai - Jumaat 22 Julai , 12pm. Ada 10 bahagian dan 125 soalan. Bila dah jawab 1 bahagian tu tak boleh pergi backward nak check jawapan ke apa. Sebab dia boleh tekan next je. Kalau online test kan kita bleh ke belakang semula nak check jawapan tapi psikometrik ni tak boleh. So boleh tukar jawapan tu selagi tak tekan next utk pergi bahagian seterusnya. Basically soalan tanya tentang personaliti je. Cth soalan lebih kurang :
-pesanan ibu bapa membantu saya semasa membuat keputusan

-saya berasa selesa semasa majlis keramaian di kejiranan

-saya akan mengemas meja sebelum memulakan tugasan yang baru

-saya terasa terikat apabila telah membuat janji temu yang telah ditetapkan hari dan masanya

Pilihan jawapan kena pilih antara:

-sangat tidak tepat

-tidak tepat

-agak tepat

-tepat

-sangat tepat

Haaaa ingatkan susah soalan psikometrik dia sebab before ni jumpa yg orang lain sharing lagi complicated hahaha. Tapi tula sebenarnya ada lah perkara yang dinilai berdasarkan soalan tu mcm sikap berdisiplin, keyakinan diri, teratur etc. So masa jawab tu I sentiasa relate kan dengan jawatan yang kita apply tu sebab if jawapan tak konsisten nanti ada chance utk tak pass the test juga. Sebagai persediaan boleh Google je ujian psikometrik sebab skrg ni siap ada org yang buat quiz online n ada jugak yang jual rujukan psikometrik softcopy. Okay so I think this is all for my sharing regarding program MAC ni. Doakan Ummi Aqilah berjaya insyaAllah!! 

Thank you for reading! Untill next time (which taktau la bila tahun pulak nak blogging lagi hahaha bye!)

 

23 years old

13th June 2017, Tuesday:

Uh oh hello there, Assalamualaikum! How are you? How's life?

Heyhooo! I would love to update about my life. It has been one year of roller coaster ride, I tell you! So, how do I start? Let's go backwards a little bit, shall we?

Around June 2016, I just finished with my final exams for my final semester. And I have started my internship in Kajang at a private laboratory. And here is when the first rock hit my life. When the exam result came out, I failed a paper! Yes, just because I failed this one paper, I did not graduate on time. This was when I felt that my life seems so blurry, my future seems so black and dark. It was hard, really. I kept it secret from my parents, and even from him. Uh oh, let's name him as H. Hihi I will get to that later! Back to the story, oh and yes, so after about a month or so after the result came out, is the day that I told my parents about it. When everybody were busy preparing for their graduations, were busy photo-shooting so called pre-convocation, and here I was, laying down in my bed. Doing nothing. I was helpless. I was depressed. When I came back from work, I will just drown myself in the bed. Go to sleep right away and I did care nothing about this world. This was the lowest point of my life. Even H was surprised that when we go out, I will be very quiet, I like to stare at blank things and I didn't talk much, like how I use to do. The day that I told him was when he asked me this one day, "When are you going to take your robe?". And this is when I just knew it, I has to tell him the truth. I told him, "I will not graduate this year, H." Okay, so I just revealed this to important persons in my life, but still I have friends to tell them about the real situations. I took all the courage I had to tell them. Oh yes, it ain't easy man, when everybody was counting on you and you just disappointed them. Thank God, after telling everybody that matters to me, I am now at peace. I was trying to live in peace, at least? LOL

September 2016;

2nd September is the day I finished my internship. Freedom alert! I am beyond happy to be 'free' from that laboratory. Hahaha and I was just enjoying my holidays, chilling at home. Ahh what a life. Then my mom just get annoyed to see me lazying around the house. So she got me a part-time job. It was a volunteer job, looking after a carnival something like that. Just two days. The next day, my school friend contacted me, to follow her to a job vacancy-- as a kindie teacher. Taking this job is a life changer for me, I tell you. I started my service as the kindergarten teacher on 15th November. But officially teaching the kids when the school term has started on 3rd January 2017.

2017;

Hello, new year! January 2017 is the month to be remembered. In fact, age 23 is the turning point in my life. The teaching job was tough at first. I had no experience in teaching kindergarten thus it was a rough start for me. My boss push me hard, I thanked her for that. Slowly I am improving myself, to be a better teacher as well as a better person. It was not that hard actually, you just need to know the needs of the person and their red button. I just recall this when I went to a workshop back in my uni days -- it's communication skills. And also plus point for me, because I am an extreme extrovert. So yes, I talk a lot like non stop! The only time I stop talking is when I sleep. Duhh literally HAHA.

Here come the second storm; it was Monday and it was I went for my regular dentist appointment (dental braces). Then I had this itchiness on my foot sole, so I decided to seek Dr after I finished with my dentist. When I was being checked by the doctor, she said she suspected me to have hyperthyroid. I was like, whatttt? What the? Then I had my heart checked as well. I need to lay down and has all those wires attached to my body; my chest, my hands and where else was it, sorry I forgot already. But the thing is, there is something wrong with my heartbeat! It beats faster than it should be. And Dr asked me to do blood test right away. So without hesitation and wasting of time, the next day I went to my intern place to get my blood withdrawn. How irony, I used to be the one who hands on the blood test tube and analyzed the blood, but that day I was the patient and not the lab scientist. The result came out the following day. And yes man, I had hyperthyroidism! My world feel like spinning around and I just cried myself to this news. I thought I was healthy all this while? Allah. So I went back to the clinic and get my medications. I had to consume two type of pills; one to stabilize my heart rate and another one is to get my thyroid hormone to stabilized back to normal range. Yes, I am medical compliance everyday now.

In total, I have to consume 7 pills a day. As I was adapting myself with the situation, my grandma get sick and her condition was very unstable. This one night, I was staying up to finish my lesson plan and teaching works kind of stuff, my grandma had difficulty to breathe. It was around 4 am by that time. Mom quickly called an ambulance, and so we rushed to the hospital. I was with her, my first ever ambulance ride. When we arrived at the emergency unit lobby, the doctors couldn't read her oxygen level. It fluctuated. Then she was quarantined in the emergency unit, there I go settle her registration and everything. I swear to God, I had a feeling that she'll be gone by anytime soon. And that was what happened. My dearest grandmother passed away by my side. I was there, reciting her the 'shahadah'. She went very peacefully that I didn't realize when was her last breathe. Just that I noticed her tears stops flowing out from the corner of her eyes and that was actually the moment she breathe out her last breath. It was a very emotional phase of my life. I am very close with my grandmother, as she lived with my family for the past 6 years of her golden days. To add salt to the wound, my health was not in a good shape too. I need to went through TB screening because I had cough for almost a month now. I had to gave the sample of my sputum, withdraw my blood to be analyzed and had my chest to be X-rayed. The procedure took me 2 weeks, and being emotionally unstable at that moment, I ask for unpaid leaves for 2 weeks from my employer. During the 2 weeks leaves, I accompanied my mom at home. It was a dull week for all of us at home. It feel surreal. The house is very quiet and gloomy with less one person in the house. Despite being sad, we stay strong and keep each other's company to go through the phase.

Unseen Battle

I knew this day would come. Where everything came crashes at a time. Literally, everything.

I would say that emotional battle is much harder than physical battle. As you are dealing with the unseen, but you only sense. This is where you are really being tested.

Oh well, as a Muslim we must believe that every battle that was given to us, is eventually to lift us up to a higher level (for a better us).

Just that right now, I am lost. I am in a deep lost.

I am reconsidering about extending my semester, by means is I am going to graduate one year later (than I was expected to). May Allah show me the right path, Insya Allah.

p/s: It is not a race anyway, right?

Fight Song

I need something to keep me sane.

I need something to boost me.

I need something to keep me strong.

This song is just really it. Fight song by Rachel Platten.

It is only the 5th week of the semester, but yet there already a lot of things happened. Literally. In this very short amount of time, I am quite impressed with myself actually. Currently, at least I have a rough idea on how my final year project will be, rather then when I received the tittle for my final year project during the first week, more or less a month earlier. I don't even have a clue back then! All I could do at that time, just nodded my head when my supervisor explained about the project with a blur face and a totally lost mind. How funny! In addition, I have done at least three presentations within the first two weeks! I know, I know, it is super early right. But on the bright side, it is actually helping. You know, to shake off the nervousness and make yourself get used to  it. Thank you lecturers. :)

So what I have been up to recently huh? Let's back up few weeks earlier shall we?

During the first week of semester, I was welcoming the freshie at my faculty. It really reminds me of how innocent I was when I was in their shoes, approximately two years before. And feel a little bit old now ay >.< I am currently in the student society of my faculty. Hence the programs I involved in.

Then during the second week, I made friend with a girl from Japan, Chika. Thanks Ardani for inviting me to have lunch with you guys. Hihi. I have found something new about myself. I found that welcoming new people to your place is actually fun, let aside the tiredness, but somehow I found that every small things actually counts. Maybe for us it is not really matter because we are familiar with it, but for them it is a whole new thing. This just make my sense of appreciation of everything around me grow bigger. :) For instant, for us in Malaysia eating with bare hands is no big deal. But for people from other country, with different culture of course, they find it is something completely different from what they've been practicing. Uh oh this is actually from my Global Mobility Student Partnership Program! Never mind, I'll go to that story later ;)

Next, we go back to my studies matter hehe. I went to the UKM's Animal House, oh well of course to met with the mice that will be used in my experiment later on! And I have just discovered that I will be handling not ten, not twenty, not even thirty, but one hundred twenty mice! Yes, 1 2 0 . Omg. I'm freaking out. But then we have to do injection for 42 mices per day, but hey that is still a big amount of mice right? From my previous experience, the most that I hold mice at a moment was two. Pray for me that it'll be smooth sailing experiment. Haha is there even a phrase for that?

Another side of the story, I'm in charge of food and beverages during the organization workshop. I never thought it made you happy to see people eat what you served them. :') It was worth it. Despite the chaotic, disorganized and complete confusion like few minutes before the VIP finish their slot, I manage to set up the food on the table, of course with help from some of friend of mine. Even though it is not really that 'wow', but I just did ;') I literally running here and there in the dining hall hahaha. Oh and one of the slot of this program is the bonding time--which I like the most! We went to this one place to play some games--Burn Out. It is sort of like the escape room, where you are being tested to the fullest limit of yourself to get outta there within the time given. It was kind of stressful, almost giving up, feeling dumb because the hints were right there just that we don't notice it, and most of all it really does need a great teamwork from everybody in the room to escape it. All in all, I look forward to play this kind of game soon! Tihee

So, that pretty much how my life s far being for a month and half. Oh God, the time is running out for me to be a university student. What the heck, we can't stop the clock from ticking. Let just enjoy the moment while it lasts. And for whoever reading this, do pray for Ummi Aqilah Omiza that her final year project will be eased or she'll be stronger to face all the challenges. InsyaAllah. (With Allah's willing.)

You can't soar high if you let yourself tied to the ground with rope called fear.
Not to try is the biggest failure!

Thank you for reading! Take care, Allah loves you! :) 

New Semester 2015/2016

Twas the first day of new sem! Heyhoo! I am now the third year student (and hopefully it's my final year)!

How do I feel about today? Frankly speaking, I've mixed feelings. Some parts of me I am very happy that I will be graduating in a year time (InsyaAllah--with Allah's will), and some parts of me, I am freaking out! I haven't figured out about my future. Oh well I've to repeat two subjects this session (I screwed up last semester), what really made me bumped was the subjects can only be registered during the second semester.

Then, I was thinking, what if I did wrong during my final year projects and how am I going to balance with the classes and plus the repeat subjects. What if things didn't go the way I wanted? What if I didn't get the job that I wanted? Oh and I haven't figured out yet what career I wanna roll with in this within one year of time?! What if.... I failed to make my parents proud of me? What if everything went wrongs......? My future seems so blurry. I am afraid. No, I am not afraid, I am terrified! :(

Oh Allah, please lead a way for me. Please ease me to go through this road. It is okay, don't make the challenges easier, make me stronger to bear it.

Oh Allah my Lord, help me.

Cinta Paling Agung

Hafiz : A boy--the very tiptop bab agama.
Nur : A girl--the very solehah one (just recently hijrah towards better her)


. . . . . .


Table usrah dibuka. Satu demi satu perkongsian dikupas. Tiba satu soalan daripada adik usrah, "Abang Hafiz, macam mana nak jaga hati?". Hafiz sengih. The typical random one. "Jaga hati ye? Hati ni... tempat jatuhnya pandangan Tuhan pada kita. As we know, Dia tak tengok rupa, harta atau darjat kita. He looks at our heart. Okay, back to the question, hati kita akan terjaga bila kita jaga tiga anggota ni iaitu mulut, telinga dan mata. Yes, including ikhtilat. (Ikhtilat is batas pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan muhrim. Eg: between friends.) Betapa ramai yang mampu jaga aurat habis sempurna tapi ikhtilat aci tak redah? Tak dapat kira dengan jari dah. Sebab ramai sangat.

So nak jaga hati bukan senang. Perlu mujahadah, perlu ada tembok memisahkan antara hati kita dengan ajnabi/bukan muhrim sebelum sampai masa. Elakkan tengok dan dengar benda maksiat. For example orang tak tutup aurat, those kissings scene in movies and so on. Iman kita bukan tinggi mana, jaga lah." .

"Mesti Abang Hafiz tak pernah terbuai dengan ajnabi kan. Sebab abang selalu jaga pandangan bila tengok perempuan tutup aurat." Hafiz sengih. "Brothers in Islam, ingat yang jaga pandangan tak tengok perempuan seksi ni memang confirm terjaga hati ke?" Hafiz serius."Lelaki yang jaga pandangan, akan diuji dengan hadirnya perempuan solehah yang menutup aurat sempurna."

Hafiz pejam mata. Istighfr banyak kali. Sebak. Dia mula teringat kisah silamnya, beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Hujan.

Hafiz bergegas ke bus stop untuk berteduh. Tiba-tiba dia terdengar bunyi mendayu-dayu. Hafiz istighfar banyak kali. Dia tengok sekeliling. His eyes caught on a lady with yellow mini sized Quran in her hand not far from him. Terus dia tundukkan pandangan. Tapi suara tu jelas kedengaran. Nur selesaikan bacaan Quran dengan doa. Hujan masih tidak menunjukkan tanda untuk berhenti membasahi bumi. Nur tolehkan pandangannya ke arah sisi. Dia ternampak Hafiz. Hafiz tunduk.

Nur rasa kurang selesa, sebab nampak macam mereka berdua-duaan. Lagi pula Hafiz pakai hoodie dengan cap. Mahu tak seram! And so, dia redah je hujan tu. Hafiz sekilas pandang. "Cantik." Itu je yang keluar daripada bibir kaku Hafiz. "Argh! Istighfar Hafiz!" Dan dia pun terus beristighfar.. Lagi dan lagi.

. . . . . .

Esoknya.

Hafiz pergi library. Saja nak lepak. Dah la sejuk ada aircond, and plus the library known for the fastest speed of internet in the campus. Lagipun kalau kat bilik, roomate memekak lagu Korea. Baik duduk dekat library, heaven, takde orang nak kacau.Nur buat muka selamba masuk library tanpa pass-card. And she succeed! Ambil port paling cun, tepi tingkap, aircond betul-betul atas kepala. And she started to recite Surah Al Fath. Suara slow, maintain. Nak kena ingat surah ni sebelum esok.

In the same time... Hafiz pasang telinga. "Em. Macam kenal suara ni.."

Rupanya port Nur lepak dengan Hafiz bersebelahan je. Cuma ditembokkan dengan rak buku. Tiba-tiba ada suara halus dalam hati Hafiz untuk menegur minah sebelah tu. "Boleh buat member tasmi' bacaan." At first was-was. Lastly, terjerat. "Assalamualaikum?". Nur teruskan bacaan. Tidak kedengaran barangkali. "Er miss?" Hafiz try lagi. "Already a Madam!" Nur bangun dan terus berlalu pergi. Tatkala itu Hafiz rasa mahu terjun bangunan. Pangg kena atas dahi (facepalm) "Dah bini orang dah pun..." Banyak kali dia istighfar.

Nur sengih. For her, just now was his attempt to flirt with her. "Take that mister!" But then.. "Mungkin dia ada niat lain. Bukan niat nak mengorat?" Dup!

Takdir mempertemukan mereka di dalam satu meeting. Program forum "Islam hanya di Identity Card". Both of them representing each's club. Nur dengan perangai cepat lupa memang dah tak ingat dah Hafiz. Hafiz pula? Masakan dia boleh lupakan insiden di mana dia dikenakan kaw-kaw. Taubat! Lepas ni memang dia takkan ulangi perkara tu lagi. The meeting went well. Hafiz interacts professionally yet still taking care of the syariat, the same goes to Nur too. Masing-masing 'menjaga'. Tapi Hafiz, masih rasa terpukul.

Satu hari atas urusan kerja, Hafiz WhatsApp Nur. Pung pang pung pang sampai pukul 12 tengah malam. Nur selamba je read tapi tak reply. Bluetick. Online. Nur dumbfounded. "Aik? Dia ni tak faham ke dah pukul 12 ni. Ishhh." The next morning, the first thing Nur did was replying the message from Hafiz. "Fyi, I am still a miss. And yesterday, you exceed the limit. You know right? Nevermind. proceed with the forum matters..." Hafiz baca sekali dua, tiga, empat kali. "Budak ni biar betul. She must be lying to me that day. Sebab nak jaga diri." Hafiz sengih.

Program dah selsesai. Usahasama pun dah habis. Hafiz berkira-kira untuk WhatsApp ke tak, ya atau tidak. At last, "Sorry kalau ada buat salah." Mesej dibalas. "K." Hafiz saja mahu mengusik. "K? Potassium?" Eh mamat ni. "Ingatkan cyanide." Nur replied. And so, a new story begun. Saling berbalas mesej WhatsApp. Saling berkongsi idea cerita sirah-sirah Nabi. That term (romantik Islamik)

. . . . . .

Nur cari port untuk hafaz Quran. She doesn't feel so good lately. Hafaz tapi tak lekat kat kepala. And she found the spot. Port cun, atas kerusi bawah pokok. Dan takdirnya, port cun tadi sebenarnya budak budak usrah duduk berbulatan gembira. Tiba-tiba, dia terangkut sekali masuk dalam bulatan. Nur tanya Kak Yuliza, the naqibah. "Akak, Nur hafaz Quran tapi tak lekat. Cemana eh?" "Lupa nak baca bismillah mungkin." Gelak berjemaah. Dah stabil semua, Kak Yuliza tanya, "Cuba Nur throwback, ada tak Nur buat something yang Allah tak redha?"

Nur senyap. Dup! Ada.. Kot? 

Kak Yuliza sambung, "Mesti ada something yang kita buat sampai Allah kita macam ni. In a way that we could not tell." Nur tunduk. "Sebenarnya Nur.... Nur ada suka seorang guy ni." Kak Yuliza senyum. 


Nur: Tapi.. Nur dengan dia tak ada apa-apa pun. Kami cuma kawan.

Kak Yuliza: Kawan macam mana tu?

Nur: Kami selalu share kisah-kisah sirah, hadith, things about agama, you know. Sebab Nur kan baru
hijrah. Dia tu pula memang sejak sekolah lagi dah dididik agama.

Kak Yuliza: Let me ask you something. Nur selalu contact dia?

Nur: Selalu lah juga. Sebab kami buat program kerjasama.

Kak Yuliza: Jujur. Discuss urusan kerja semata-mata ke?

Nur senyap. Dia mula rasa bersalah. Dia tahu selama ni dia deny the fact that ikhtilat still exist even dalam kerja. Selagi kena elak, kena elak.

Kak Yuliza: Sister, do you love him?

Nur: Kind of. No! But yes. Hm yes.

Kak Yuliza: If you truly love him, jangan jadi penyebab dosa dia bertambah. Betul, cinta itu fitrah. Tapi kalau fitrah disalurkan di jalan fitnah, itu boleh jadi dosa. Cinta tu asalnya suci. Kita, manusia yang cemarkannya dengan mernjadikan cinta haram, cinta fitnah, cinta dosa..

. . . . .

3.00am.

Nur bangun. Qiyamullail. Semua benda yang dilakukan rasa tidak kena. Di atas sejadah pemberian arwah nenek, dia menangis. Menangis dan menangis hingga Subuh. Perasan kesal dan malu akan dosanya amat menebal ketika itu.

Selepas beberapa minggu, Nur mengaktifkan kembali telefon bimbitnya selepas dimatikan buat seketika. Beratus misscalled. Mesej dari aplikasi WhatsApp pula jangan cakap, 5000++. Satu per satu Nur check. Mostly the same name appears on her phone's screen.

Nur tekadkan hati. She must help Hafiz.

Nur: Hafiz, kau selesa ke dengan keadaam macam ni?

 Hafiz: Eh hilang ke mana? Apa pelik soalan tu?

Nur: Random.

Hafiz: Nur, are you okay?

Nur: If I say I am not, what will you do about it?

Hafiz: Nur, what is it? Tell me. Please.

Nur: Aku tak selesa. And I guess, you too. I want the old you.

Hafiz: What are you talking about? What do you mean by the old me? Dulu yang macam mana?

Nur: Waktu Hafiz masih terjaga. Saya taknak jadi penyebab dosa awak bertambah. So please, be like the old you, yang hati terjaga.

Hafiz speechless. Terkejut. Tapi dalam masa yang sama dia juga rasa akan ketidakselesaan yang dimaksudkan oleh Nur.

Hafiz: Nur, give me time.

Nur: Take your time. Don't contact me anymore. If it is true that you love me, come and meet my father. Make me yours, Hafiz. Till then, assalamualaikum.

Nur cried.
Hafiz cried.

Both hurts.

"What hurts the most probably, letting go of the one that you love the most."

Hafiz Whatsapp Izaha, "Bro, I need a help. Meet me at the usual, 2.00pm. Urgent."

Hafiz dengan muka serabut mengalahkan oang mati bini duduk sebelah Izaha. Izaha sengih.

Izaha: Stress fikir pasal ummah ke bro?

Hafiz geleng. Muka serius. Tegang sangat.

Izaha: Ops, wrong timing! So, what's up bro?

Hafiz: I knew a girl recently, and I think, I'm in love with her.

Izaha: Firstly, tahniah sebab berjaya buktikan yang kau lelaki sejati sebab sukakan perempuan.

Hafiz jeling.

Izaha: Wohoo hold on. So the problem is?

Hafiz: Silap step.

Izaha: Already langgar the pantang larang?

Hafiz: Kind of. I know it's wrong but it's just..

Izaha: Benda dosa memang seronok buat.

Hafiz terkedu. Dia tunduk.

Izaha: Look. Kau belajar agama. Dakwah sana, dakwah sini. Tapi hati kau tak jaga. Macam ketuk tin kosong, bunyi je kuat tapi isi dalam? Kosong. May I proceed? Kang aku proceed, lebam mata kau.

Hafiz: Proceed.

Izaha: Kau suka dia? I mean you really really really like her?

Hafiz: Yes, that I thought of making her as my wife.

Izaha: Then I bet, you must be serious about it.

Hafiz: Truly.

Izaha: But brother, this is not the right way. There is still a gap between you and her. Ikhtilat. Kan? Even if you are engaged, ikhtilat still exist.

Hafiz: But I just want to help her with her hijrah.

Izaha: Tolong sampai buai hati dia? Layan perasaan dia? Sampai jadi lagha? Useless I tell you! Allah tak berkat. You shouldn't be worrying of your future. Allah dah tulis siap-siap cantik dah siapa kau berjodoh dengan siapa, maybe anak Sultan ke siapa ke. Who knows? If you truly love her, thought of making her as your wife, then please don't mess with her heart now. Hold on. After you've married, then only, yes.

Hafiz betulkan tempat duduk.

Hafiz: But... Not contacting her, makes me suffer inside.

Izaha: Elok je aku tengok kau hidup sebelum jumpa dia dulu.

Izaha sengih.

"Aturan Allah tu sempurna. Terpisahlah jauh beribu batu, kau dekat Malaysia dia dekat Mexico, kalau Allah dah kata itu jodoh kau, tak ada siapa, tak ada apa boleh halang. But now, just prepare yourself. Jangan nak semakkan sangat hati dan fikiran dengan cinta. Ummah needs us, too! Wake up brother! Hafiz, aku respect kau sebagai orang yang jaga agama. Tapi, kalau kau buat macam ni, kau jadi fitnah buat agama, diri kau, diri dia. Please, respect each other as someone ya. Kau tahu, Hafiz? Orang tengok kita, sebab kita belajar agama. They look up to us! Jangan sebab nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. You got me?" Izaha siku bahu Hafiz.

"Aku dah lama tak tahajjud." dalam nada yang hampir tidak kedengaran Hafiz meluahkan isi hatinya.
"Sebab?" Izaha balas. "Tak terbangun." jawab Hafiz lesu. "Allah tak nak kejut kot?" Izaha dengan nada sedikit bergurau bermaksud untuk memerli kawannya. Hafiz tersenyum pahit, tanda memahami.
Izaha berpesan. "Ops! Last ayat cinta, jaga hati, jaga agama. Kita bawa imej Islam. Wherever we go, peoplel will look at us. So, behave yourself! Jangan sebab kita ada ilmu, kita ada rupa, kita salah guna dengan tarik perhatian dan memainkan perasaan wanita. Allah sangat sangat tinggikan darjat wanita dan Rasulullah sangat tidak suka lelaki yang memainkan hati wanita ni bro!

. . . . . . 


Tanpa sedar Hafiz sudah terlalu lama mengelamun saat diri dia yang dahulunya sampai tidak sedar yang dia berada dalam table usrah, di mana orang sedang menunggu jawapannya.

"Abang Hafiz? Are you there?"

"Oh ya, ya, I am here. Jaga hati.. Dengan alert yang Allah memerhatikan kita dan malaikat mencatit setiap masa, yes every second, barulah ada rasa malu bila nak terbuai dengan benda maksiat.




The end.



Conclusion: Benda dosa memang seronok buat, jadi berhati-hatilah. Jaga hati, jaga iman, jaga ikhtilat.













This was a story from an Instagram account; @usrahsantai. I just rewrite it, and edited some. Credit to them for the story.  

Be Yourself | Kun Anta

In order to keep up with them
I imitated their looks and exterior

So I became someone else just to boast
And I thought that through that I gained a fortune

But I found that I'd lost, for these are mere appearances

No no
We don't need wealth in order to increase in beauty
Our essence is here, in our hearts it shines

No no
We will not seek to please others with that which we deem unbefitting for ourselves
That is our beauty, rising and ascending above

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

La la la la la la la la
I accept people but I don't imitate them
Except for what I agree with, to satify myself

I will just be myself, just the way I am, this is me
My conviction suffices, this is my certainty

No no
We don't need wealth in order to increase in beauty
Our essence is here, in our hearts it shines

No no
We will not seek to please others with that which we deem unbefitting for ourselves
That is our beauty, rising and ascending above

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

I'll be what I please to be
I won't seek their acceptance
I'll be whom I love to be
Why would I care about their acceptance

I'll be what I please to be
I won't seek their acceptance
I'll be whom I love to be
Why would I care about their acceptance

No no
We don't need wealth in order to increase in beauty
Our essence is here, in our hearts it shines

No no
We will not seek to please others with that which we deem unbefitting for ourselves
That is our beauty, rising and ascending above

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Abnormally Normal

The lime green clock on the wall showing the time 01:09 am. I'm still sitting in front of my computer with the lecture notes all over me--by my side, on the desk and on the floor. While the entire people in the house are probably already halfway to the dream-land , here I am still wide awake. I have middle semester test tomorrow. And yet there is something quite interesting that I've discovered about my self. Whenever it is near the examination, my body will react bizarrely.

During my first year semester 2 study week, I ran off to the nearest 24/7 store at about 1 o' cock in the morning just to grab a can of 'Red Bull'. 2nd year, 1st sem: when I was having my Recombinant DNA Technology quiz, I stayed at my faculty all night (with two friends of mine) and then we went to a book fair (Big Bad Wolf) at 3 am. Like whoaaaa! That really are out of mind right? And earlier, just in the middle of revising my notes, suddenly I craved for ice cream. And yeah, I went to store downstairs (I live in an apartment at the 8th floor currently) just to get an ice cream. When come to think about it back, I don't even have any idea where I got the guts to do those stuffs back then.

Anyway is it normal for us to react abnormally during 'critical' phase of our life? (kemain sangat critical phase, padahal exam mid sem jeee)

My Choice, My Way

"Ya ukhti,
Jangan sesekali berganjak daripada jalan ini (jalan dakwah)!
Kerana inilah satu-satunya jalan yang benar!
Jangan takut atau gentar dengan musuh di hadapan!
Kerana Allah akan sentiasa bersama orang-orang yang benar!"

Allahu rabbi.

Bagai direntap hati ku, andai hati ini diikat rapi kemas berbelit dengan berutas-utas rantai besi, ibarat putus setiap butir rantai itu menunjukkan betapa tersentapnya aku dengan kata-kata seruan di atas.

Selama ini,
Aku ragu-ragu.

Selama ini,
Aku bermain-main dengan kata hati.

Selama ini,
Aku tidak yakin pada diri sendiri.

Selama ini,
Aku bersikap acuh tidak acuh.

Selama ini,
Pernah terdetik untuk melepaskan tangan akan tanggungjawab diberi.

Selama ini,
Ada terlintas untuk putus asa.

Namun kini,
Aku bangkit!

Kini,
Imanku yang lesu dibangkitkan!

Kini,
Aku yakin akan jalan tarbiyyah ini!

Kini,
Aku ingin melihat Islam tertegak hingga mencapai uztaziyatul alam!

Kini,
Akan ku gembleng tenaga muda untuk jalanMu, ya Allah!

Kini,
Akan ku kerah segala kudrat untuk jalan dakwah mu, ya Rasulullah!

Kini....
Akan ku infakkan diriku demi Islam!


"Ya Allah, semoga aku terus tsabat di jalan ini ya Allah. Semoga aku terus kuat bersama rakan seperjuangan ku untuk menegakkan agamaMu di muka bumi ini Ya Allah.."

Luahan hati

Keliru.

Aku keliru dengan diri aku sendiri. Bermonolog dalaman tiada henti sejak pulang temuduga tadi.

Tadi-- pergi temuduga untuk UKM Global Mobility Programme. Macam ala-ala exchange programme, tapi bezanya student luar negara datang ke Malaysia dan kita di'partner'kan dengan mereka. Aku mohon dan ada sesi temuduga.

"We want to build bridge, not wall." That really hits me hard. Straight to the heart bro. From what I observed, the interviewer want to tell me that I am being 'katak bawah tempurung'. Am I conservative? As if I don't want to mix around with people.

But come to think back, I think she's right. Not that I didn't interact with people at all, maybe I just interact with people within my field--science. Or as a Malaysian I only mix with the Malay people and Muslims. Hmm. That's make me think.

And it makes me think big time. All of those things won't get off me just yet.

Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku tersalah pilih jalan. Ataupun aku terlalu tamak. Semua program nak masuk, at the end cannot give commitment and just leave it like that. Masuk silat--tahan beberapa bulan je. Kemudian quit secara tak rasmi. Resultnya aku dah gemok. Masuk debate-- yang ni pun masa semester 1 rajin woiii, semester 2 busy dengan program kolej--slow down debating. Resultnya-- my English getting sucks than evaaaaaa. Daftar pantun: tak pernah pergi langsung. Sayang lah ada bakat tapi tak polish. Pilih jalan tarbiah (mungkin lebih kepada terpilih la kot)--masih ragu-ragu lagi.(ini jujur,sebab aku belum yakin sepenuhnya diri aku kuat) 

This is confusing and sad! And now is a study week, yet I am not studying. I just have to let go this feeling off me.

Ya Allah, help me.

Father's Love

Assalamualaikum everybodehhhhhh~! Sihat takkkkk? Ahaaaa nak tahu takkkk, haritu kite tak sihat. Wuuu sedih tahu. Ala bukan sakit teruk pun, muntah-muntah. Food infection I guess. Food infection tu apa? Lebih kurang macam food poisioning, cuma tak seteruk food poisoning lah.

Al-kisahnya minggu sebelum lagi dah muntah-muntah dah, dah pergi klinik pun untuk dapatkan treatment. Pastu sehari dua lepas tu rasa dah sihat so tak perlu lah makan ubat yang euwww tu kan (tapi saya suka makan ubat,ini fakta,dan panggillah saya pelik haha). Dan minggu seterusnya pula cuti middle semester! Yeayyyy boleh duduk rumah seronok puas puasss. Weeee. Tapi tak weeeee lama pun, hari Rabu tu kena muntah-muntah semula. Allah. Ubat aku tertinggal kat kolej sana. Sobs. Dari bangun pagi tu terus berkejar ke toilet uwek uwek, then makan la sikit isi perut tak sampai 10 minit uwek uwek semula. Tak tahan sangat dah asyik makan mun*** makan mun***, aku tidur je. Then dah lepas maghrib tu memang badan dah lembik lah kan. Ibu masak dinner pun tak selera, so minta tolong ibu masakkan bubur. I knowwww manja macam gediknya boleh buat sendiri kot but hey biarlah nak manja dengan ibu kite. Hihi.

Aku pulak keluar pergi farmasi beli ubat dan nak beli ikan kacang hitam dalam tin (boleh google kalau tak tahu) sebab aku kalau demam ke sakit ke tak selera makan, memang ini je yang boleh pergi dengan tekak aku nak makan dengan bubur. Tapi malangnya dah habis. So aku pun dah macam pening-pening tahan dari uwek, terus cepat-cepat balik. Sampai je kat rumah, ayah tanya mana nya barang? Tak beli ke? Aku jawab selamba, dah habis. Tak larat nak cari Kat kedai lain. Ayah aku pun terus start motor and keluar. Entah dia pergi mana. Aku terus melangkah ke dapur. Duduk-duduk kejap, ayah balik. Dia belikan ikan tu. Awhhhh dalam hati aku memang terharu gile time tu. Pastu time makan pulak lagi aku terharu, ayah aku ambil seekor je ikan tu, dari pemerhatian, aku tahu ayah nak lagi tapi ayah cakap takpe yang ni simpan la untuk esok nanti kamu muntah-muntah lagi. Wehhhh tak ke rasa nak menangis :')

So aku macam muhabasah la diri aku balik selama ni aku macam kurang hargai ayah. Yela orang asyik cakap syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu, tapi tahu tak yang ayah pun bertungkus lumus cari rezeki nak besar kan kita. Kasih ayah sepanjang hayat gitu. Sorry lah takde best pun cerita ni, tapi bagi aku tak tahu kenapa rasa terharu sangat, rasa dihargai sangat. Dah semakin dewasa ni baru lah aku hargai sangat setiap apa yang ayah buat walaupun benda tu biasa je. Sebab rata-rata lelaki sekarang pergi dulu, ni berdasarkan ahli-ahli keluarga aku yang dah pergi dulu lah. Average dalam 50 lebih macam tu. So selagi ayah ada ni aku nak hargai sebaik-baiknya. Aku rasa memang aku ni emo terlebih lah kalau bab-bab keluarga. Hihi.

Ni lah rupa makanan 'sakit' aku. Tapi aku suka hihi

Jadi musim-musim tengah catuan air ni jaga lah kebersihan ye. Sebab kebersihan itu sebahagian daripada iman! Tiheeeeee

Random?

Assalamualaikum. Peace to upon you, brothers and sisters.

Wow it has been almost a year? Like really? What make me has the guts to be back in writing this blog? Hmm this one year (almost a year) duration has given me up and down in my life (literally). My matriculation programme ended on 1st May 2013, and I entered my degree on 1st September 2013. So basically within this one year time its like a transition state for me from a matriculation student to undergraduate university student. It has been quit tough I must say. It's hard, in the simple word. But I know, Allah is putting a test on me.

What must we do when we're in trouble? As for me, I'll sit back and reflect back what have I done recently. Sometimes, when we're on the 'top' we tend to forget who make us rise till there. And here come the tests. When we think back, we should be grateful actually. Why? Because Allah is teaching us a lesson. Yes, Allah is teaching us directly. Tarbiyah secara langsung daripada Allah.

Whenever you're in trouble, be grateful and think of a way how to endure it.

And the important part, make du'a. Allah listens.

This should be a random post actually because it has been a longgggggggggggggg time since my last time. Maybe what make me has the guts was when I read back my old entries. How brave I was back then huh? During this ups and downs has dragged down my courage abit. How  shame on me right. Now, I wanna be like the old me again, but in a better version! Hehehe wish me luck!


See you in other post (inshaAllah)

Take care, Allah loves you!

Tips Nak Cantik

This post is dedicated to girls.

Assalamualaikum sisters. Oh and to brothers too(if any) How are yaaaaaa? I hope you're in the pink of health like I do. Alhamdulillah, praised to Allah for this nikmat :)

Siapa nak jadi cantikkkkk? Angkat tangannn! Haaaa even awak tak angkat tangan pun saya tahu awak nak jadi cantik kan kan? Hihihihi. Okay, so I wanna share some of the tips to be beautiful. 

• Jadikan menunduk pandangan sebagai perhiasan.

Jagalah mata kita, pandangan kita. Bila lalu depan lelaki ajnabi especially, tundukkan pandangan. Tapi jangan tunduk lelebih sampai langgar tiang pulak --' Apa motif nya ek? Well, bayangkan kalau kita tak jaga pandangan, meliar tengok sana sini, usha lelaki lelaki handsome *opsss* Hehehe. Haa nanti bila dah usha tu mesti ada terdetik kat hati "handsomenyaaaa guy tu. Awh that boy is so cute! BESTNYA kalau dapat kenal dia.." Bukankah sudah jadi dari mata turun ke hati? Ehem,maksud saya di sini dah jadi zina hati. Yela dengan mata memandang pastu hati terdetik benda tak elok. Nauzubillah. Minta dijauhkan macam tu.

Tapi kalau terpandang macam mana pulak? Senang je, ucap astaghfirullahalazim sebanyak yang mungkin. Try it, you will feel the difference. So dear pretty girls, lower down your gaze!

• Oleskan lipstick kejujuran pada bibirmu

Bercakap lah hanya yang benar. Bercakaplah benar walau ianya pahit. Tahukah anda, apabila kita menipu orang yang ditipu akan mendapat pahala dan kita dapat dosa? Tak ke rugi kita. Dah lah dapat dosa, pastu kena sediakan back up plan. Yelah bila dah tipu tu nak cakap pun kena berhati-hati so that tak pecah tembelang. Terpaksa lah pula putar belit everything. Menyusahkan diri je. Baik bagitahu yang betul terus. Anyway, honesty is the best policy.

• Gunakan pemerah pipi rasa malu dari salun iman

Telah Allah ciptakan kaum Hawa ini dengan perasaan malu. Malulah kita untuk mendedahkan aurat. Malulah kita untuk gelak terbahak. Malulah kita untuk bertepuk tampar dengan lelaki ajnabi. Malulah kita untuk menyebarkan keburukan/aib orang. Malulah kita untuk melanggar perintahNya. Kelak, akan ditayangkan semua perbuatan kita di dunia. Baik atau buruk. Tertanggungkah malu pada saat itu? 

• Guna sabun istighfar untuk hilangkan kotoran dosa

Apabila terkenang dosa lalu, tuturkanlah astaghfirullahalazim. Saat kau sedar kau sedang melakukan kesalahan, ucapkan astaghfirullahalazim. Pinta kemaafan dariNya. Sesungguhnya Allah amat suka apabila hambaNya bertaubat. Pintu taubat itu luas terbentang. So grab the chance while it is wide open. 

• Rawat rambut dengan tudung  Islami daripada kelumumur pandangan lelaki

Tutuplah auratmu dengan sempurna sayangku. Hindarilah pandangan-pandangan lelaki ajnabi daripada hinggap ke mahkotamu yang mana tidak halal bagi mereka. Allah dah perintahkan kepada kita para wanita ni untuk menutup aurat dalam surah An Nur, ayat 31. Aurat itu mahkota wanita muslimah.
Cover what need to be covered ladies! 

I guess that all I wanna share for now. Correct me if I'm wrong yea. :)


Peace~

Because I Love You

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. :)

 Alhamdulillah, I'm still given strength to feel the air, able to see the beautiful of His creations. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Soooooo, wazzup with the title? Who am I loving? Am I having a boyfriend? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  that iz zoo freaking funneh! No, Ummi Aqilah will NOT have a pre-marriage relationship whatsoever. You noted that.

Hmm I just wanna share with you how much I love you my dear friends. Heh? Yeahh my love feelings toward you guys, my dear fellas and because I love you, I don't want you, you and you who are having HARAM relationship to go on doing haram things.

 It is sad seeing this couple things ya know. Sometimes whenever I see a Malay couple holding hands in public (obviously they're Muslim) , I feel like wanna run to them and crash them so they're split apart and somehow jatuh in the longkang! Ahaks, ganas much? >_<

Because I love you, I don't want you to keep committing sins that might lead you to neraka jahannam. Nauzubillah. 

Because I love you, I want to ask you to kindly leave the relationship.

Because I love you, I want you to repent for being in haram relationship.

Because I love you, I want to ask you to be strong, fight with your bad nafs.

Because I love you, I want us together to lead to Jannah. Insha Allah.

I know it is hard. It is hurting. It is painful. But have you ever think, do you want to feel the pain now in the world, or in the hereafter (akhirat) ? I surely you want to be happy in the hereafter right? Everybody does. 

This is jihad. Jihad to fight with our own nafs. Every little efforts that we did to fight with our nafs will be paid off InsyaAllah. Allah counts.

Hari Jadi ke Hari Lahir?

Dulu ingat lagi masa kecik, aku pernah buli adik lelaki aku. Sampai dia menangis kot. Sebab apa nak tahu? Sebab cakap dia anak kutip. Jahat en? 

"Man,tahu tak awak anak kutip. Ibu amik kat tong sampah. Tengok lah awak je lelaki sensorang,kitorang gurl. Ni sebab ibu nak anak laki. Tu kutip awak"

Dia dengan innocent nya percaya. Terus dial number ibu, tanya pasal ni. Time ni ibu kat kerja, sampai menangis dia sebab sedih aku cakap cemtu. Ya Allah, jahatnya aku dulu :( Sorry eh Man, along memang jahat dulu :(

Dulu, dia sangat annoying. Tak tahu lah apa salah dia, aku selalu cari gaduh. Well, biasa ah aku kan kakak. Hihi.

Tapi sekarang dah lain. Sekarang aku dah takda adik lelaki. Ehh kenapa pula? Sebab sekarang aku ada abang :')

Kalau diminta buatkan susu adik (adik Aisyah yg baby) , walau dia tengah sibuk main game ke, mata dah mengantuk sangat ke, or whatever he is doing lah..he will stop and immediately buat susu Aisyah. Yang bab ni buat aku terharu. Betapa sayangnya dia kat adik kecik tu. Yelah, kalau aku yang kena buat susu adik mesti delay. 

"jap ibuuu. Haa ye kejap lagi along buat.." Alasan yang sering aku gunakan. *kantoi* hihi

And I will start imagining he being a father in future. I'm surely my nieces and nephews will be lucky to have such a caring daddy. Ihiks.

Pernah satu malam tu, kat ruang tamu. Biasalah gurau adik beradik, aku pukul Aiman. Alah pukul manja manja gitu, actually tepuk tepuk je. Tetiba Aisyah nangis. Aisyah nangis nangis, sampailah abang dia amik and dukung baru senyap. Ya Allah, kuatnya bonding dua orang ni. Kuat sangat. Ibu cakap, Aisyah nangis sebab aku sakitkan abang dia. Aku testing lagi, pegi pukul Aiman (again,manja manja punya pukul) Aisyah yg dalam dukungan Aiman pergi tampar tangan aku. Dia protect abang dia. Okay mungkin ada betulnya cakap ibu. Tulusnya kasih sayang seorang abang kat adik dia :')

Aiman, you are 14 now. Not a kid anymore, and not an adult yet. But I am sure you're big enough to know what's wrong and right. You said you wanna be an engineer. So what's your effort toward it? Study my dear. Study. You're brilliant. Cut off your laziness. Someday, if ayah is not around anymore you will be my protector. You will protect your sisters. And you are also my wali if ayah is not around. So my dear brother, with adding one digit to your age, I hope your maturity increase too. Be a good son (the only son in the family) to ayah and ibu, be a good brother to your sisters, be a good student to your teacher and school and most of all, be a good slave of Allah. 

Happy birthday, my only brother. :*

Terima kasih kerana membaca.

Jaga diri,jaga iman,Allah sayang kamu. :)

La Tahzan

"Don't be sad.

If you are stricken by poverty...others are chained by debt...

If you don't have shoes..others have no feet..

If you feel pain now..others have been aching for years..

If your son dies...others have lost many! :'(

If you have sinned..then repent!

If you have committed a mistake, then correct it..

The door of repentance always open.

The fountain of forgiveness is ever rich!

So, don't be sad. Let all bygones be bygones.

What is predestined to you, you shall see it!

Being sad will not change anything.

Sadness spoils your life!

Destroys your happiness!

So, don't be sad.

Supplication is your shield! Prayer is your beacon!

You have sweet water to drink! Fresh air to breathe!

Feet to walk with! You sleep safely in your bed!

So why be sad?

Every cloud has silver lining! Every long nights have a bright sun!

Life will soon give you a smile. So be ready to get it! "

After seeing this video, it has changed my perception. Yeah sometimes whenever I see someone who are having something more than me (clothes / money / things / knowledge / etc ) will make me feel like "uh I wanna have that, Uh I wanna ask mommy to  buy me that, someday I'll be like her". How ungrateful am I. Astaghfirullahalazim. :'(

So dear brothers and sisters, there are many who has less than us, and who are going through more than us, let just sit down and reflect.. and praise..for all the blessing we have, for all the goods that have been given to us. Take a moment and says Alhamdulilah. Alhamdulillah ya Allah for everything.. 

And let us also remember those who do not have much in our du'a, in our prayers. So whenever you feel down or sad, remember those who are less fortunate than us, they've been through harder life than us and yet, they still can smile. So brothers and sisters, don't be sad!

Ya Allah, strengthen our heart, give us strength. Without You, we're nothing. 

Remember, Allah loves you.