New Semester 2015/2016

Twas the first day of new sem! Heyhoo! I am now the third year student (and hopefully it's my final year)!

How do I feel about today? Frankly speaking, I've mixed feelings. Some parts of me I am very happy that I will be graduating in a year time (InsyaAllah--with Allah's will), and some parts of me, I am freaking out! I haven't figured out about my future. Oh well I've to repeat two subjects this session (I screwed up last semester), what really made me bumped was the subjects can only be registered during the second semester.

Then, I was thinking, what if I did wrong during my final year projects and how am I going to balance with the classes and plus the repeat subjects. What if things didn't go the way I wanted? What if I didn't get the job that I wanted? Oh and I haven't figured out yet what career I wanna roll with in this within one year of time?! What if.... I failed to make my parents proud of me? What if everything went wrongs......? My future seems so blurry. I am afraid. No, I am not afraid, I am terrified! :(

Oh Allah, please lead a way for me. Please ease me to go through this road. It is okay, don't make the challenges easier, make me stronger to bear it.

Oh Allah my Lord, help me.

Cinta Paling Agung

Hafiz : A boy--the very tiptop bab agama.
Nur : A girl--the very solehah one (just recently hijrah towards better her)


. . . . . .


Table usrah dibuka. Satu demi satu perkongsian dikupas. Tiba satu soalan daripada adik usrah, "Abang Hafiz, macam mana nak jaga hati?". Hafiz sengih. The typical random one. "Jaga hati ye? Hati ni... tempat jatuhnya pandangan Tuhan pada kita. As we know, Dia tak tengok rupa, harta atau darjat kita. He looks at our heart. Okay, back to the question, hati kita akan terjaga bila kita jaga tiga anggota ni iaitu mulut, telinga dan mata. Yes, including ikhtilat. (Ikhtilat is batas pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan muhrim. Eg: between friends.) Betapa ramai yang mampu jaga aurat habis sempurna tapi ikhtilat aci tak redah? Tak dapat kira dengan jari dah. Sebab ramai sangat.

So nak jaga hati bukan senang. Perlu mujahadah, perlu ada tembok memisahkan antara hati kita dengan ajnabi/bukan muhrim sebelum sampai masa. Elakkan tengok dan dengar benda maksiat. For example orang tak tutup aurat, those kissings scene in movies and so on. Iman kita bukan tinggi mana, jaga lah." .

"Mesti Abang Hafiz tak pernah terbuai dengan ajnabi kan. Sebab abang selalu jaga pandangan bila tengok perempuan tutup aurat." Hafiz sengih. "Brothers in Islam, ingat yang jaga pandangan tak tengok perempuan seksi ni memang confirm terjaga hati ke?" Hafiz serius."Lelaki yang jaga pandangan, akan diuji dengan hadirnya perempuan solehah yang menutup aurat sempurna."

Hafiz pejam mata. Istighfr banyak kali. Sebak. Dia mula teringat kisah silamnya, beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Hujan.

Hafiz bergegas ke bus stop untuk berteduh. Tiba-tiba dia terdengar bunyi mendayu-dayu. Hafiz istighfar banyak kali. Dia tengok sekeliling. His eyes caught on a lady with yellow mini sized Quran in her hand not far from him. Terus dia tundukkan pandangan. Tapi suara tu jelas kedengaran. Nur selesaikan bacaan Quran dengan doa. Hujan masih tidak menunjukkan tanda untuk berhenti membasahi bumi. Nur tolehkan pandangannya ke arah sisi. Dia ternampak Hafiz. Hafiz tunduk.

Nur rasa kurang selesa, sebab nampak macam mereka berdua-duaan. Lagi pula Hafiz pakai hoodie dengan cap. Mahu tak seram! And so, dia redah je hujan tu. Hafiz sekilas pandang. "Cantik." Itu je yang keluar daripada bibir kaku Hafiz. "Argh! Istighfar Hafiz!" Dan dia pun terus beristighfar.. Lagi dan lagi.

. . . . . .

Esoknya.

Hafiz pergi library. Saja nak lepak. Dah la sejuk ada aircond, and plus the library known for the fastest speed of internet in the campus. Lagipun kalau kat bilik, roomate memekak lagu Korea. Baik duduk dekat library, heaven, takde orang nak kacau.Nur buat muka selamba masuk library tanpa pass-card. And she succeed! Ambil port paling cun, tepi tingkap, aircond betul-betul atas kepala. And she started to recite Surah Al Fath. Suara slow, maintain. Nak kena ingat surah ni sebelum esok.

In the same time... Hafiz pasang telinga. "Em. Macam kenal suara ni.."

Rupanya port Nur lepak dengan Hafiz bersebelahan je. Cuma ditembokkan dengan rak buku. Tiba-tiba ada suara halus dalam hati Hafiz untuk menegur minah sebelah tu. "Boleh buat member tasmi' bacaan." At first was-was. Lastly, terjerat. "Assalamualaikum?". Nur teruskan bacaan. Tidak kedengaran barangkali. "Er miss?" Hafiz try lagi. "Already a Madam!" Nur bangun dan terus berlalu pergi. Tatkala itu Hafiz rasa mahu terjun bangunan. Pangg kena atas dahi (facepalm) "Dah bini orang dah pun..." Banyak kali dia istighfar.

Nur sengih. For her, just now was his attempt to flirt with her. "Take that mister!" But then.. "Mungkin dia ada niat lain. Bukan niat nak mengorat?" Dup!

Takdir mempertemukan mereka di dalam satu meeting. Program forum "Islam hanya di Identity Card". Both of them representing each's club. Nur dengan perangai cepat lupa memang dah tak ingat dah Hafiz. Hafiz pula? Masakan dia boleh lupakan insiden di mana dia dikenakan kaw-kaw. Taubat! Lepas ni memang dia takkan ulangi perkara tu lagi. The meeting went well. Hafiz interacts professionally yet still taking care of the syariat, the same goes to Nur too. Masing-masing 'menjaga'. Tapi Hafiz, masih rasa terpukul.

Satu hari atas urusan kerja, Hafiz WhatsApp Nur. Pung pang pung pang sampai pukul 12 tengah malam. Nur selamba je read tapi tak reply. Bluetick. Online. Nur dumbfounded. "Aik? Dia ni tak faham ke dah pukul 12 ni. Ishhh." The next morning, the first thing Nur did was replying the message from Hafiz. "Fyi, I am still a miss. And yesterday, you exceed the limit. You know right? Nevermind. proceed with the forum matters..." Hafiz baca sekali dua, tiga, empat kali. "Budak ni biar betul. She must be lying to me that day. Sebab nak jaga diri." Hafiz sengih.

Program dah selsesai. Usahasama pun dah habis. Hafiz berkira-kira untuk WhatsApp ke tak, ya atau tidak. At last, "Sorry kalau ada buat salah." Mesej dibalas. "K." Hafiz saja mahu mengusik. "K? Potassium?" Eh mamat ni. "Ingatkan cyanide." Nur replied. And so, a new story begun. Saling berbalas mesej WhatsApp. Saling berkongsi idea cerita sirah-sirah Nabi. That term (romantik Islamik)

. . . . . .

Nur cari port untuk hafaz Quran. She doesn't feel so good lately. Hafaz tapi tak lekat kat kepala. And she found the spot. Port cun, atas kerusi bawah pokok. Dan takdirnya, port cun tadi sebenarnya budak budak usrah duduk berbulatan gembira. Tiba-tiba, dia terangkut sekali masuk dalam bulatan. Nur tanya Kak Yuliza, the naqibah. "Akak, Nur hafaz Quran tapi tak lekat. Cemana eh?" "Lupa nak baca bismillah mungkin." Gelak berjemaah. Dah stabil semua, Kak Yuliza tanya, "Cuba Nur throwback, ada tak Nur buat something yang Allah tak redha?"

Nur senyap. Dup! Ada.. Kot? 

Kak Yuliza sambung, "Mesti ada something yang kita buat sampai Allah kita macam ni. In a way that we could not tell." Nur tunduk. "Sebenarnya Nur.... Nur ada suka seorang guy ni." Kak Yuliza senyum. 


Nur: Tapi.. Nur dengan dia tak ada apa-apa pun. Kami cuma kawan.

Kak Yuliza: Kawan macam mana tu?

Nur: Kami selalu share kisah-kisah sirah, hadith, things about agama, you know. Sebab Nur kan baru
hijrah. Dia tu pula memang sejak sekolah lagi dah dididik agama.

Kak Yuliza: Let me ask you something. Nur selalu contact dia?

Nur: Selalu lah juga. Sebab kami buat program kerjasama.

Kak Yuliza: Jujur. Discuss urusan kerja semata-mata ke?

Nur senyap. Dia mula rasa bersalah. Dia tahu selama ni dia deny the fact that ikhtilat still exist even dalam kerja. Selagi kena elak, kena elak.

Kak Yuliza: Sister, do you love him?

Nur: Kind of. No! But yes. Hm yes.

Kak Yuliza: If you truly love him, jangan jadi penyebab dosa dia bertambah. Betul, cinta itu fitrah. Tapi kalau fitrah disalurkan di jalan fitnah, itu boleh jadi dosa. Cinta tu asalnya suci. Kita, manusia yang cemarkannya dengan mernjadikan cinta haram, cinta fitnah, cinta dosa..

. . . . .

3.00am.

Nur bangun. Qiyamullail. Semua benda yang dilakukan rasa tidak kena. Di atas sejadah pemberian arwah nenek, dia menangis. Menangis dan menangis hingga Subuh. Perasan kesal dan malu akan dosanya amat menebal ketika itu.

Selepas beberapa minggu, Nur mengaktifkan kembali telefon bimbitnya selepas dimatikan buat seketika. Beratus misscalled. Mesej dari aplikasi WhatsApp pula jangan cakap, 5000++. Satu per satu Nur check. Mostly the same name appears on her phone's screen.

Nur tekadkan hati. She must help Hafiz.

Nur: Hafiz, kau selesa ke dengan keadaam macam ni?

 Hafiz: Eh hilang ke mana? Apa pelik soalan tu?

Nur: Random.

Hafiz: Nur, are you okay?

Nur: If I say I am not, what will you do about it?

Hafiz: Nur, what is it? Tell me. Please.

Nur: Aku tak selesa. And I guess, you too. I want the old you.

Hafiz: What are you talking about? What do you mean by the old me? Dulu yang macam mana?

Nur: Waktu Hafiz masih terjaga. Saya taknak jadi penyebab dosa awak bertambah. So please, be like the old you, yang hati terjaga.

Hafiz speechless. Terkejut. Tapi dalam masa yang sama dia juga rasa akan ketidakselesaan yang dimaksudkan oleh Nur.

Hafiz: Nur, give me time.

Nur: Take your time. Don't contact me anymore. If it is true that you love me, come and meet my father. Make me yours, Hafiz. Till then, assalamualaikum.

Nur cried.
Hafiz cried.

Both hurts.

"What hurts the most probably, letting go of the one that you love the most."

Hafiz Whatsapp Izaha, "Bro, I need a help. Meet me at the usual, 2.00pm. Urgent."

Hafiz dengan muka serabut mengalahkan oang mati bini duduk sebelah Izaha. Izaha sengih.

Izaha: Stress fikir pasal ummah ke bro?

Hafiz geleng. Muka serius. Tegang sangat.

Izaha: Ops, wrong timing! So, what's up bro?

Hafiz: I knew a girl recently, and I think, I'm in love with her.

Izaha: Firstly, tahniah sebab berjaya buktikan yang kau lelaki sejati sebab sukakan perempuan.

Hafiz jeling.

Izaha: Wohoo hold on. So the problem is?

Hafiz: Silap step.

Izaha: Already langgar the pantang larang?

Hafiz: Kind of. I know it's wrong but it's just..

Izaha: Benda dosa memang seronok buat.

Hafiz terkedu. Dia tunduk.

Izaha: Look. Kau belajar agama. Dakwah sana, dakwah sini. Tapi hati kau tak jaga. Macam ketuk tin kosong, bunyi je kuat tapi isi dalam? Kosong. May I proceed? Kang aku proceed, lebam mata kau.

Hafiz: Proceed.

Izaha: Kau suka dia? I mean you really really really like her?

Hafiz: Yes, that I thought of making her as my wife.

Izaha: Then I bet, you must be serious about it.

Hafiz: Truly.

Izaha: But brother, this is not the right way. There is still a gap between you and her. Ikhtilat. Kan? Even if you are engaged, ikhtilat still exist.

Hafiz: But I just want to help her with her hijrah.

Izaha: Tolong sampai buai hati dia? Layan perasaan dia? Sampai jadi lagha? Useless I tell you! Allah tak berkat. You shouldn't be worrying of your future. Allah dah tulis siap-siap cantik dah siapa kau berjodoh dengan siapa, maybe anak Sultan ke siapa ke. Who knows? If you truly love her, thought of making her as your wife, then please don't mess with her heart now. Hold on. After you've married, then only, yes.

Hafiz betulkan tempat duduk.

Hafiz: But... Not contacting her, makes me suffer inside.

Izaha: Elok je aku tengok kau hidup sebelum jumpa dia dulu.

Izaha sengih.

"Aturan Allah tu sempurna. Terpisahlah jauh beribu batu, kau dekat Malaysia dia dekat Mexico, kalau Allah dah kata itu jodoh kau, tak ada siapa, tak ada apa boleh halang. But now, just prepare yourself. Jangan nak semakkan sangat hati dan fikiran dengan cinta. Ummah needs us, too! Wake up brother! Hafiz, aku respect kau sebagai orang yang jaga agama. Tapi, kalau kau buat macam ni, kau jadi fitnah buat agama, diri kau, diri dia. Please, respect each other as someone ya. Kau tahu, Hafiz? Orang tengok kita, sebab kita belajar agama. They look up to us! Jangan sebab nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. You got me?" Izaha siku bahu Hafiz.

"Aku dah lama tak tahajjud." dalam nada yang hampir tidak kedengaran Hafiz meluahkan isi hatinya.
"Sebab?" Izaha balas. "Tak terbangun." jawab Hafiz lesu. "Allah tak nak kejut kot?" Izaha dengan nada sedikit bergurau bermaksud untuk memerli kawannya. Hafiz tersenyum pahit, tanda memahami.
Izaha berpesan. "Ops! Last ayat cinta, jaga hati, jaga agama. Kita bawa imej Islam. Wherever we go, peoplel will look at us. So, behave yourself! Jangan sebab kita ada ilmu, kita ada rupa, kita salah guna dengan tarik perhatian dan memainkan perasaan wanita. Allah sangat sangat tinggikan darjat wanita dan Rasulullah sangat tidak suka lelaki yang memainkan hati wanita ni bro!

. . . . . . 


Tanpa sedar Hafiz sudah terlalu lama mengelamun saat diri dia yang dahulunya sampai tidak sedar yang dia berada dalam table usrah, di mana orang sedang menunggu jawapannya.

"Abang Hafiz? Are you there?"

"Oh ya, ya, I am here. Jaga hati.. Dengan alert yang Allah memerhatikan kita dan malaikat mencatit setiap masa, yes every second, barulah ada rasa malu bila nak terbuai dengan benda maksiat.




The end.



Conclusion: Benda dosa memang seronok buat, jadi berhati-hatilah. Jaga hati, jaga iman, jaga ikhtilat.













This was a story from an Instagram account; @usrahsantai. I just rewrite it, and edited some. Credit to them for the story.  

Be Yourself | Kun Anta

In order to keep up with them
I imitated their looks and exterior

So I became someone else just to boast
And I thought that through that I gained a fortune

But I found that I'd lost, for these are mere appearances

No no
We don't need wealth in order to increase in beauty
Our essence is here, in our hearts it shines

No no
We will not seek to please others with that which we deem unbefitting for ourselves
That is our beauty, rising and ascending above

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

La la la la la la la la
I accept people but I don't imitate them
Except for what I agree with, to satify myself

I will just be myself, just the way I am, this is me
My conviction suffices, this is my certainty

No no
We don't need wealth in order to increase in beauty
Our essence is here, in our hearts it shines

No no
We will not seek to please others with that which we deem unbefitting for ourselves
That is our beauty, rising and ascending above

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

I'll be what I please to be
I won't seek their acceptance
I'll be whom I love to be
Why would I care about their acceptance

I'll be what I please to be
I won't seek their acceptance
I'll be whom I love to be
Why would I care about their acceptance

No no
We don't need wealth in order to increase in beauty
Our essence is here, in our hearts it shines

No no
We will not seek to please others with that which we deem unbefitting for ourselves
That is our beauty, rising and ascending above

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...
Oh wo oh... Oh wo oooh...

Be yourself and you will increase in beauty

Abnormally Normal

The lime green clock on the wall showing the time 01:09 am. I'm still sitting in front of my computer with the lecture notes all over me--by my side, on the desk and on the floor. While the entire people in the house are probably already halfway to the dream-land , here I am still wide awake. I have middle semester test tomorrow. And yet there is something quite interesting that I've discovered about my self. Whenever it is near the examination, my body will react bizarrely.

During my first year semester 2 study week, I ran off to the nearest 24/7 store at about 1 o' cock in the morning just to grab a can of 'Red Bull'. 2nd year, 1st sem: when I was having my Recombinant DNA Technology quiz, I stayed at my faculty all night (with two friends of mine) and then we went to a book fair (Big Bad Wolf) at 3 am. Like whoaaaa! That really are out of mind right? And earlier, just in the middle of revising my notes, suddenly I craved for ice cream. And yeah, I went to store downstairs (I live in an apartment at the 8th floor currently) just to get an ice cream. When come to think about it back, I don't even have any idea where I got the guts to do those stuffs back then.

Anyway is it normal for us to react abnormally during 'critical' phase of our life? (kemain sangat critical phase, padahal exam mid sem jeee)