Aku keliru dengan diri aku sendiri. Bermonolog dalaman tiada henti sejak pulang temuduga tadi.
Tadi-- pergi temuduga untuk UKM Global Mobility Programme. Macam ala-ala exchange programme, tapi bezanya student luar negara datang ke Malaysia dan kita di'partner'kan dengan mereka. Aku mohon dan ada sesi temuduga.
"We want to build bridge, not wall." That really hits me hard. Straight to the heart bro. From what I observed, the interviewer want to tell me that I am being 'katak bawah tempurung'. Am I conservative? As if I don't want to mix around with people.
But come to think back, I think she's right. Not that I didn't interact with people at all, maybe I just interact with people within my field--science. Or as a Malaysian I only mix with the Malay people and Muslims. Hmm. That's make me think.
And it makes me think big time. All of those things won't get off me just yet.
Kadang-kadang aku rasa aku tersalah pilih jalan. Ataupun aku terlalu tamak. Semua program nak masuk, at the end cannot give commitment and just leave it like that. Masuk silat--tahan beberapa bulan je. Kemudian quit secara tak rasmi. Resultnya aku dah gemok. Masuk debate-- yang ni pun masa semester 1 rajin woiii, semester 2 busy dengan program kolej--slow down debating. Resultnya-- my English getting sucks than evaaaaaa. Daftar pantun: tak pernah pergi langsung. Sayang lah ada bakat tapi tak polish. Pilih jalan tarbiah (mungkin lebih kepada terpilih la kot)--masih ragu-ragu lagi.(ini jujur,sebab aku belum yakin sepenuhnya diri aku kuat)
This is confusing and sad! And now is a study week, yet I am not studying. I just have to let go this feeling off me.
Ya Allah, help me.
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